I think you still have a lot to learn in terms of composing a proper melody, there was no direction or proper harmony in it (though ive heard much much worse, so its not all bad), the chords are fine but not enthralling and without deviations turn into a blur, cool for using magical8bit though! I use that one mostly myself too, and the percussion is allright, i personally hardly ever add it in chiptunes but it sounded pretty good. :)
greets and keep learning more, i suggest looking up stephen malinowski (good visuals) or studying some classical music like bach to understand how to create a good melody.
-cal.